I'm glad I've learned lessons over the years so my awesomely-named future children (Winter, Kit, Walker, Whittaker, Lincoln, etc) can learn from them. And hopefully they do.
I recently watched a terrible movie (Preacher's Kid) and one of the characters said, "Everyone has the right to learn from their mistakes." While I guess that's true, it is more ideal that we learn from someone else's mistakes. I think I learned a lot from my older siblings' mistakes, which I'm grateful for. (I WILL NEVER DO THAT has been a frequent thought.) And I hope that my younger brothers can learn from my mistakes, too.
I was recently blessed with the knowledge of a mistake I hadn't realized I made until I was reading a new book recently. When I was about 16, having dedicated my life to the Lord (seriously) two years prior, and having lost a bit of that "first love fire," I began following God's commands because: that's what you were supposed to do. I didn't want to go to hell in a hand basket, and I didn't want to make God mad. I followed His "thou shalt not"s and his law because that's what a Christian is supposed to do. Well, following Him that way, almost out of obligation, led to great discontentment. While I wasn't depressed, I was never truly happy, and even in fellowship with the Lord, I was extremely discontent. I often thought, "Why can't You help me out here? Why can't You give me this and this and this, because THOSE things will make me happy. Because You're not doing this for me, clearly You're not the God I thought you were, and OBVIOUSLY You don't want me to be happy. Humph!"
My discontentment led me down a path of destruction. I was certain I would be happier if I could pave my own path. And I wasn't right with God for 2 years! That was so much wasted time I wish I could get back. The first "fallen year," I was 17 and just completely depressed. I listened to emo music like Linkin Park and Breaking Benjamin all the time! How emo. (The music someone listens to, can tell you a LOT about them.) When I was 18, I wasn't so depressed anymore, but moreso completely desensitized. While I still had strong convictions when I was 17, those convictions weren't there so much when I was 18. And any attempt to get right with God again never "took," because I was never seriously willing to give up MY ways.
I didn't backslide because I lost faith in God's existance. It wasn't out of spite for Him, or because I didn't think He was a good God. It was simply out of discontentment, because I had not been following His ways and His commands out of love for Him, but out of obligation.
And I wondered why my relationship with Him was so different this time around. Why is it so much more fulfilling and satisfying? Why, after pleading with Him for the desires of my heart as a 16-year old, I am perfectly content and satisfied without the prospect of ever having those things? Why is it, this time around, He is ALL that matters anymore? Why is His word so enticing to me now, whereas before it was a chore that I never looked forward to? WHY? I think, for starters, I know Him better now. My experiences, along with studying Scriptures and listening to different teachers of the Word, have shown me the true character of God which I don't think I ever really understood before. And because I know Him better, I trust Him more than ever before. So now, I want to obey Him and His commands, not out of obligation, not because it's what Christians are supposed to do. But out of love, and reverence for Him. Because I want to make Him proud. I want Him to see me as a faithful servant, a spotless and completely submissive Bride. And I have never, ever been this content before. Because I realize now that no matter what happens to me, no matter what horrible things transpire, guess what? He is STILL an unbelievably good God.
1 Timothy 6:6 says, "But godliness with contentment is great gain." When I was 16, I could have been deemed "Godly." I obeyed His commands, and tried really hard to keep them. But I was not content. The Bible says godliness with contentment is great gain. Thanks for summing it up, Paul. I guess I could have just said that and not have written ALL of this...
Okay, a funny story. I'm reading a book on courtship right now by a man named Raunikar, something or other. He has all these strict, strict rules for courtship too, and I'm like, where are you getting these rules at? Anyway, he had some pre-marriage rules for being physical. Apparently you can partake in: side hugs, hand holding, short kisses and limited cuddling. Um. What? Firstly, if you're already kissing, WHAT'S WITH THE SIDE HUGS?! You're kissing, for crying out loud. I found this list exceedingly hilarious. So, if someone follows all these courtship rules to a T, none of these physical things will tempt them in any way, am I right? None of these physical things give yourself away, in any way. NONE of these things are inappropriate before marriage.
Let me say one thing, Raunikar. If that's your REAL name. (Because it very well might not be...) Physical things like that, are nice. Quite nice. Even in the wrong context, they're nice for a time. (Wrong context would be with someone you just met, someone you're not in a relationship with, someone you actually hate, etc.) They are SO NICE, that what happens? You want more. You want to go back to your girlfriend/boyfriend/future life mate, and do those things again. It will inevidably get to a point where the physical stuff, is a BIG, HUGE reason why you want to go see your significant other. It will become the reason WHY you think you like them so much. It could be that in reality, you hate this person. You can't stand them. You either want to slap them, or make out with them. Why is this, you might ask? I'll tell you why.
Being physical with someone releases hormones. And yes, I'm talking about even simply kissing. It releasing bonding chemicals. Chemicals that make us think that we like the person, but if you took all the physical elements away, you will realize that, oh... I really, actually don't like this person at all and we are not compatible in any way, shape or form. The chemicals that are present as long as you are being physical, makes you think you like the person.
Can you imagine how much more beautiful marriage would be if you saved all those things for someone you KNEW you liked, first?! :-) And not only that, but saving those things for someone who has committed the whole rest of their life to YOU? I am certain that once you have connected with someone spiritually, emotionally and then committed your lives to each other through marriage, those bonding chemicals that are released when you're physical, will last a lifetime and will never fade like they so often do in marriages today.
So no, Raunikar. I don't want to partake of those things before I'm married, but thanks anyway.
Wow. Long blog, much? I hope you took the time to pet your dog or listen to Owl City while you were reading this.
Karee
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